In Hindsight
by Julia451
Summary: Korra and Asami look back on their experiences together during the conflict with the Equalists and wonder if more was going on than they were aware of. Korrasami one-shot - a look at several Rewatch Bonus moments in Season 1.


I turned my head, and my eyes fell on a girl with eyes green as jade, lips red as the rose, hair black as ebony, and skin white as snow, striding gracefully toward me on the arm of my handsome friend. I didn't know her name. I knew nothing about her life or family or why she'd been invited or why she was holding his arm. I only knew it was the most beautiful perfection of face and figure I'd ever seen, and the sight of her with him made me want to set the whole room on fire. I was instantly eaten alive by a jealous rage unlike anything I'd ever felt before, a loathing so pure and strong, it made my flesh crawl. I'd never felt so wronged, like I was watching a thief brazenly break into my home and steal what no one had a right to but me.

"_Allow me to introduce my daughter – Asami."_

I knew it was jealousy. I didn't bother to think consciously about why. At the time, I assumed it was him I wanted, her place I wanted. I thought that was why I couldn't stand the sight of her with him, but now I wonder...

Who was I really jealous of?

* * *

"_We can help people like us everywhere. Join me, Asami."_

The words broke my heart because, as soon as I heard them, I knew I'd lost my father forever. There was never any hope for me – I knew I could never join him, never help him, never become one of them. There was no question of what my answer would be, only of the best way to do it, of the best way to stop him.

I didn't think about why at the time. Afterwards, I wondered how I'd had the courage to do it. He was the only family I had, the man I'd loved and looked up to all my life, and even though I knew I was doing the right thing, it still hurt. I've often wondered with a shudder of fear if I would have been able to stand up to him like that, if I would have had the strength to go through with it, if my friends hadn't been in danger. I had to protect them! I couldn't let him hand them over to his master, no matter what!

So I fought to save them – my friends and the boy I loved, the one I'd chosen even as my people declared war on his, whom my father hated the most. I naturally thought he was the one I feared for the most, whom I wanted to save more than anyone, but there was someone else in even more danger than he was – the most powerful bender in the world, the only one with the power to stop them. She was in more danger than anyone. She was the most hated, the most feared, the one who could have expected the worst, who would have suffered the most if I hadn't acted. I knew that in the back of my mind; I knew that, more than anyone, I couldn't let them take her. I saw how injured she was, unable to fight back, and knew it was up to me to save her.

I thought I was protecting everyone, or fighting for him, but now I wonder...

Was it for you?

* * *

"_After everything she's been through, she's going to need you."_

I watched him take her in his arms and felt a stab of pain through my heart. No less than I'd expected. I knew it would hurt. It had hurt just to picture it. But it was what she deserved. She'd saved me, saved us all, everyone I cared about, when I couldn't. I couldn't think of any words adequate enough to thank her, to do justice to how much I owed her. I regretted every petty, unjust thought I'd ever had about her; I'd been so wrong, and I was too ashamed of it to face her now. I looked at her standing there, alone and silent, the brave young woman whose entire world had just been shattered, who'd lost everything that mattered to her, and wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and promise her I'd never let anything or anyone hurt her again. But I had no right to. He was the one she loved, the one she'd want at a time like this. So I sent him to her – the only gift I could give her at the time.

I looked away, but it didn't help. I knew that a few feet away, he was holding her in his arms, as if warding off the dark cloud enveloping her, comforting her, strengthening her, shielding her from all pain and fear and sorrow, assuring her she hadn't lost everything, and all I could think was, _That should be me_.

I wanted to be over there. I thought I knew why, but now I wonder...

Which place did I want to be in?

* * *

"_What a gentleman!"_

I was confused when I first heard she liked him. I'd never seen her display interest in anyone. I'd assumed there was no one special in her life and that she wanted no one special at the time, that she had more important things on her mind, that there was no room for romance in her life right now. The discovery that this was not the case surprised me, but it didn't bother me. Not until a few days later when I saw how they looked at each other. You couldn't believe everything a little girl said, but I had to believe my own eyes, and I didn't like what I saw. It was only natural that I shouldn't approve, that I wanted to tell him to get away from her, that the sight instantly put me on edge.

I didn't like seeing her smile at him like that, him hold her hand like that, the two of them sit close together like that. I hoped I was reading too much into it, that it meant nothing and wouldn't happen again. It shouldn't happen again. I didn't question why I felt jealous and defensive – it was obvious, right? Or so I figured at the time, but now I wonder...

Who was I really jealous of?

* * *

"_She's a non-Bender out past curfew, and her father is a known Equalist conspirator!"_

He knew he was no match for me, so he decided to go after the ones I cared about. To hit me where it hurts. To rob me of my allies, my team, my friends. Every fiber of my being screamed, _NO!_ I _couldn't_ let him do this! No one was taking my friends! Everything within me demanded I fight for them! At least, I thought it was for them, but why would I have been so worried about all of them? This war was between Benders and non-Benders with Benders in power. The Benders on my team had nothing to fear. Not really. Not for long. They hadn't broken any new, ridiculously unjust laws. Everyone in power would sympathize with them. The task force supposedly charged with protecting Benders couldn't justify keeping the two Benders locked up for long.

Not so with her. He went after her first because he knew there was nothing anyone could do to stop him. She was the only one in violation of any law. She could expect no sympathy from anyone. And what with her father's record, he could spin her as any kind of villain or criminal he wanted, and no one would be able to help her. She was the only one in any real danger. The only one I needed to worry about. The only one who needed defending.

I thought I was preparing to protect them all, that I wanted to fight for them all equally, but now I wonder...

Was it for you?

* * *

"_You have feelings for her, don't you?"_

Suspicion had turned to rage. I no longer felt worried; I felt utterly betrayed, robbed, stabbed in the back. Someone had taken something they had no right to take. Something that should have been mine. He had no right to feel this way about her. To be so concerned about her, as if she belonged to him and her welfare should be a priority of his, as if the two of them were anything special to each other. He had no right to kiss her.

I was furious with him, but I never felt any anger towards her. Not once, not a bit. Plenty of people wondered about that. I never did. Not then. She owed me nothing. I was nothing to her. Who she loved, who she kissed was none of my business. How could I be angry with her? He was the thief, the traitor, the coward who refused to admit his presumption. I had every right to be angry at him. There was no need to examine the feeling too closely. Not at the time. But now I wonder...

Was I angry that he had feelings for you... or that he had feelings for _you?_


End file.
